Roasted 2 years ago based on fut4_pourgh's long term Spotify stats.

David Yossarian Preston, your Spotify profile reads like the soundtrack for a midlife crisis at a renaissance fair. Congratulations on turning your music taste into a masterclass on how to sound interesting while being deeply uninteresting. With a list dominated by more subgenres than even the most pretentious college bro can count, I'm surprised you didn't include "Underwater Basket Weaving Metal." Listening to your playlist is like trying to decipher the Yelp reviews of a fishy seafood restaurant—one part confusion, two parts regret. Your favorite artists reveal you as a man who clearly spends more time scrolling through the depths of obscure metal forums than he does having human conversations. “Skull Branded Pirates”? That sounds like something you’d find in a 3am rabbit hole on the internet. Is that a band or the world's least convincing cover for an online front? And let's not overlook the uniquely personal touch of your most-played songs, which make me wonder if you actually think ‘Man the Cannons’ is a motivational anthem or if you’re just aiming to recruit for your imaginary naval fleet. But hey, at least you’ve mastered the art of niche, David! You’re not just a fan of music; you’re a collector of the most elaborate excuses for not being invited to parties. Your Spotify profile makes me think you might be a blender of bad choices and questionable life decisions, but if it takes your meticulously curated list of “heavy” tunes to get you through another Friday night alone, then more power to you. Just remember, there’s a world of sound out there beyond intricate guitar solos and growling vocals—and it doesn't require leather pants or a Viking ship to appreciate.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!