Roasted 2 years ago based on .recon's long term Spotify stats.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Apollo Recon—a man whose music taste screams “I’m hipster, but make it sad.” Seriously, I’ve seen more personality from a cardboard cutout. Your top genres alone make me question if you ever left your parents' basement. "POV: Indie"? More like “POV: I’m narrating the slow, excruciating descent into my own existential crisis.” And let’s face it, a ten-genre playlist is just code for “I haven’t been able to pick a favorite since high school!” As for your top artists, congrats on being the only person on Earth whose Spotify algorithm has decided to punish them for not listening to Beyoncé. Car Seat Headrest and IDLES? Oh wow, such groundbreaking choices—next, you’re going to tell me how you’ve rediscovered *The Smiths*. You could at least try to mix it up a little; after all, even a broken record plays something you can dance to every once in a while. But no, you’d probably rather channel your inner angst and wallow in whatever ‘small venue in East London’ filter you think makes your life seem meaningful. Spoiler: it doesn’t. And have you checked out your most played songs lately? "Funeral Singers"? How fitting! Listening to that just feels like an overly complicated therapy session where the therapist is also crying in the corner. It’s like your entire playlist was curated by a group of people who saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" one too many times and thought, “Yeah, let’s stay ultra-niche.” Honestly, you deserve an award for commitment to cringe. Next, I expect you’ll throw in the 5-hour loop of “ambient white noise” to really cement your reputation as a fuzzy-sock-wearing, chai-tea-drinking, never-going-to-a-mainstream-concert nerd. But hey, at least you’ve got the gall to be unapologetically you!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!