Roasted 2 years ago based on Kalen's long term Spotify stats.

Kalen, your Spotify profile is like a middle-aged dad who insists on explaining what "classic rock" really means—bless your heart, but it's a little too late for a musical midlife crisis. The only thing more predictable than your favorite genres are the stale pizza and warm beer options at the karaoke night you probably host in your basement. “Mellow Gold” and “Soft Rock”? Sounds more like the soundtrack to a retirement community potluck than a Spotify playlist. And what's with “Weirdcore”? The only thing weird here is how desperately you're trying to appear eclectic while clinging to every beat of nostalgia like it’s your high school crush. Then we have your top artists—Will Wood and 10cc? Wow, the last time I checked, those were more obscure than a tax form in a musician’s wallet. I mean, I love a good obscure pick-me-up, but your Spotify is basically a scavenger hunt for people who really want to unearth the lost treasures of cringey dad jams. Bo Burnham does great work, but you can’t just pop him in there like he’s your quirky uncle. No one’s buying that “serious music lover” facade when you’ve got “Over The Rainbow” jamming, reminding us that your tastes are more rainbow-colored and confused than a toddler with a box of crayons. And let’s chat about your most played songs. "Easy to Breathe"? Maybe that’s just a euphemism for the shallow pool that is your music taste. You’ve got Judy Garland and Electric Light Orchestra mixed with “Using the Internet for French” – are you sure that’s not a satirical playlist we should all be laughing at instead of listening to? Your choices scream “I’m well-rounded and worldly,” when, in fact, they just hint that you might get kicked out of the cool kids' table at a family gathering. So congratulations, Kalen! You’ve carved out a unique niche of nostalgic cringe—your Spotify profile is officially a trip through time… and it smells like a combination of mothballs and aspiration.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!