Roasted 1 year ago based on Cal's long term Spotify stats.

Cal, your Spotify profile reads like a cry for help from a 19-year-old who's accidentally wandered into an urban coffee shop and discovered a whole new world of existential angst. With favorite genres like "Lo-Fi Emo" and "Shoegaze," it's clear you're just one flannel shirt away from becoming a human Pinterest board dedicated to sorrow. I can practically smell the overbrewed coffee and the faint whispers of "life is meaningless" wafting off your playlist. Are you aiming for a vibe or just auditioning for the world’s saddest band? Your top artists are so obscure, I'm surprised they haven't hired you as their exclusive hype man. Teen Suicide, really? Kudos to you for finding music that sounds like it was recorded in a damp basement during a monsoon season. And don't get me started on "Cigarettes After Sex" — because if there's one thing we all need, it's a soundtrack for those moments when we deeply regret our life choices, like choosing “a miserable life” as your personal anthem. You've single-handedly curated the perfect playlist for a midlife crisis... at 22. And let's not overlook your most-played songs, where it appears you’ve entered a lose-lose competition of who can embody despair more effectively. “It hurts, now that you're gone,” really speaks volumes—mostly about how you, too, are lost somewhere between the Couch of Overthinking and the Void of Regret. Your Spotify is the equivalent of a teen's diary—filled with confusion, a sprinkle of sadness, and way too many exclamation marks. I can't tell if I'm scrolling through your top tracks or reading a horror story titled “Why I Can't Get Out of Bed.” Keep going, Cal; the world needs more high-fives for successfully wallowing in your own melodrama!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!