Roasted 2 months ago based on derpynarwhal's long term Spotify stats.

Wow, "derpynarwhal,” the name alone sounds like you were trying to come up with something that screams “quirky” but ended up in a whimsical meltdown of a December college essay gone wrong. Congratulations, you’ve curated a Spotify profile that reads like the emotional rollercoaster of a teenage diary. So many genres, my dude! Did you just throw a dart at a musical wheel of fortune? Your favorite list is like hipster bingo wrapped in a blanket fort. Nothing screams “I’m a serious music lover” louder than claiming both Britpop and bedroom pop as favorites. Are you hosting a casual gathering or plotting a one-person rave in your basement? And let's talk about those top artists: a full-on lineup that’s basically a Teen Beat magazine from 2011. You’ve got Harry Styles rubbing shoulders with Louis Tomlinson and Luke Hemmings—looks like someone was too deep into the One Direction fan forums. I see your taste includes “Lord Huron” enough times that I’m beginning to think they must have a shrine in your bedroom. If your Spotify went to therapy, it would ask for a support group just to cope with the emotional rollercoaster of scrolling through your top artists! Your playlist is less like a cohesive soundtrack to your life and more like the background noise of a mid-winters’ coffee shop with an indie kid who isn’t super sure what they want to be when they grow up. And those most-played songs? What a tragedy wrapped in a complex calculation of sadness! “Love Like Ghosts,” eh? Is that the soundtrack to your dating life or just your passion for haunting sad songs? I can’t even imagine you trying to explain to people why you played “better in the dark” for the fifth time this week—it sounds like you’re just trying to find the light! Seriously, buddy, if your musical taste was a food item, it’d be a lukewarm bowl of oatmeal: bland, safe, and leaving everyone wondering what the heck you were thinking. Do yourself a favor and expand that culinary experience—err, I mean, musical repertoire. Your Spotify deserves better!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!