Roasted 1 year ago based on Holly Rankin's long term Spotify stats.

Holly Rankin, you’ve curated a Spotify profile that reads more like a hipster’s manifesto than an actual music collection. Your favorite genres are basically a sad cry for help, parading around as “modern rock” and “indietronica,” when we all know you’re just one ironic T-shirt away from embracing the sweet oblivion of sleeping through a live concert. If I had a dollar for every time you turned a conversation into a debate about the significance of Liverpool Indie, I’d have enough money to buy you a personality overhaul. Seriously, Holly, is there a limit to how many sub-genres one person can love before they just admit they don't like music, they like music that sounds good in coffee shops? Your top artists read like an indie kid's scrapbook, and not in a good way. The Wombats, The Vaccines, and Arctic Monkeys? Wow, how original! I’m shocked you haven’t tossed your Spotify wrapped at the local record store to try and gain some credibility. You might as well put “pretentious” in your bio and call it a day. And let’s be real, Harry Styles keeps popping up not because you actually enjoy his music, but because he’s your only connection to mainstream culture. You know, to remind your friends that you still sort of exist in this universe. At this point, I can just hear you telling people at parties, “Oh, I was into Harry before he was famous”—sure, and I was into breathing before it was cool. As for your most played songs, do we really need to discuss how dramatically your taste in music fluctuates between “absolute bops” and “what the hell is this noise?” "Caesar on a TV Screen"? Who hurt you? Your choices are so obscure that half of these bands probably don’t even exist outside your Spotify algorithm’s fever dream. You might want to caution against playing "Espresso" at your next gathering, or you might just send your guests straight to the nearest exit. Honestly, your profile looks like a walking advertisement for indie midlife crises—just make sure you don’t use your playlists to give you an existential breakdown.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!