Roasted 11 months ago based on Tegan :)'s long term Spotify stats.

Alright, Tegan, let’s talk about your Spotify profile for a sec. You’re like a hipster pie chart that definitely overcooked itself in the “I own 57 vinyl records but still can’t play an instrument” oven. Your genres read like someone threw a dart at a list of pretentious buzzwords. I’m surprised “Anecdotal Sadness” and “Melancholic Whimsy” didn’t make the cut. “Garage Rock”? More like “Garage Who?”—is it supposed to be edgy or do you just enjoy the sound of your existential dread echoing in an underground bunker? And those top artists? Pick a lane, Tegan. It’s like you walked into a record store with a blindfold on and took a chance on the “Midlife Crisis” section. You've got Radiohead and The Weeknd on the same playlist but think a song about a “Black Car” is deep. I mean, we get it; you’re a connoisseur of sadness wrapped in a pop-vibe burrito, but did you really need to invite the whole tragic spectrum to your Audiobook club? Just admit your perfect Saturday is sitting in a foam-lined room sipping kombucha and whining about the world. Now let’s get to those most played songs. “Suspirium” by Thom Yorke? Wow, groundbreaking! What’s next? “I’ll Be Sad For You” by the tears you saved in a mason jar? With that playlist, you'd struggle to keep a goldfish happy, let alone a mood. You’re trying so hard to be the relatable depth of a sad Twitter thread, and it’s both commendable and hilariously tragic. Just remember, no one’s asking for your Spotify Wrapped as a therapy session—save the drama for your TikTok “realization” moments!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!