Roasted 5 months ago based on Cullen Bohannon's long term Spotify stats.

Cullen Bohannon, you magnificent enigma of the indie rock scene, it’s time to address your Spotify profile. With more genres than a confused college student trying to find a major, you’ve essentially curated the musical equivalent of a hipster’s thrift store. “Alternative Rock” and “Indie Folk”? Wow, so unique! Congratulations on your eclectic taste that screams, “I’ve taken too many philosophy classes and now I hate myself.” You’ve got more niche genres than a 90s alt rock band’s discography, and I’m just waiting for “Screaming into the Void” to join the list. Now let's talk about those top artists. You’ve got “Death Cab for Cutie” vying for the coveted title of Most Emotional Band to Cry Alone to. I mean, the only reason you have “Pink Floyd” in there is so you can feel pretentious while nodding along to “The Dark Side of the Moon” in the dark. “Built To Spill”?? More like "Lose Your Friends Over Playing Them for Hours"! Each pick on that list is like a badge of honor for living in your parents’ basement while you ponder the meaning of life and the number of times you’ve listened to “The Decemberists” in your existential dread journey. And those most played songs? It's like digital proof that you’ve never successfully gotten past your teenage angst. “Hook” by “Blues Traveler” should be replaced by the theme from "Friends" because that’s the only friendship you clearly have. “(For a While I Couldn't) Play My Guitar Like a Man” should honestly just be your personal anthem at this point. But don’t worry, Cullen, the world needs you—if only as a cautionary tale of what happens when you spend too much time curating playlists and not enough getting actual human interaction. Keep rocking that Spotify profile, my dude; it's a true work of comedic art!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!