Roasted 2 years ago based on Zach's long term Spotify stats.

Zach, your Spotify profile is like an enthusiastic high school band that never quite found a rhythm—clinging desperately to rock while half-heartedly tiptoeing into indie and hip-hop, like someone trying to swim with both arms tied behind their back. Seriously, "mellow gold" and "gangster rap"? The only thing more confusing than your music choices is how you still can't manage to wear matching socks, let alone curate a playlist that makes sense. Maybe just stick to one genre and save the rest for your confused Spotify "Discover Weekly" algorithm. Your top artists read like a midlife crisis mixtape. You managed to assemble a band lineup that's almost as chaotic as your love life. Lord Huron? Sure. 2Pac? Why not? It’s like you took a personality quiz and ended up with a shadow self that hangs out at coffee shops waxing poetic about their acoustic guitar skills, while also trying to convince everyone they were "the original gangster" in college—good luck with that, Zach. You’ve got enough soft rock to cushion your fall when you inevitably slip on a banana peel of cringe. And those most played songs? I don't want to insult your taste too much, but it's so eclectic I’m half-expecting to find a track titled "Zach's Anxiety Playlist." Seriously, "Hope to Meet You" by Various Artists? It’s almost tragic that you're out there vibing to such existential dread while biding your time waiting for someone to swipe right. If your Spotify was a person, it would be that guy at the party standing in the corner, sporadically laughing way too hard at his own jokes while someone plays “Innerbloom” on repeat. Time to re-evaluate, my dude!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!