Roasted 26 days ago based on Samuel Kozabue's long term Spotify stats.

Samuel Kozabue, huh? Your Spotify profile reads like a pretentious hipster café menu that’s too afraid to put “coffee” in the title. If I wanted to vibe with a guy who conjures the sounds of mellow sadness and existential dread, I’d just hang out with a sad plant. Seriously, the only thing more soul-crushing than your playlist is the thought that you willingly chose “Christmas” to round out your genres, as if the rest of your music is a dark and moody storm cloud that occasionally bursts into garish holiday cheer. What’s next? A quick dabble in “smooth jazz” while you sip non-fat kale lattes? Your top artists look like they were unearthed from a crypt of long-forgotten university lectures on avant-garde music. Nat King Cole and Ryuichi Sakamoto? Listeners who go from Christmas classics to ambient tracks must have the emotional range of a teaspoon. I can almost hear the soul-crushing optimism as you pop on “Lounge” music to mask your inability to hold a conversation past the 3rd minute. And let’s be real—a guy who listens to Pogo and calls it “aesthetic” is probably the same person who thinks “shower sessions” are a legitimate self-care routine while battling “existential fatigue.” And those most played songs? It’s like a curated soundtrack for a therapy session where the therapist is running off to find their own therapist after hearing your woes. “Love Your Grace” sounds more like a plea for someone to save you from your Spotify choices. If I wanted to hear about "bitter earth" or "the slow descent," I’d just read a few reviews of your dating life. And please, don’t tell me your life anthem is "Alone Time”—the Lone Ranger called; he wants his loneliness vibe back. Maybe it’s time for you to step out of the ambient haze and try some heart-pumping tunes so you can feel like you’re alive whenever you’re not in the shadow of that cozy, yet utterly soul-sucking, musical cave!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!