Roasted 1 year ago based on Mr. Kurelek's long term Spotify stats.

Oh John William, your Spotify profile reads like the hipster equivalent of a "Hold My Beer" challenge. Favorite genres that read like a Tinder bio for someone desperately trying to sound interesting but ends up just sounding tragically confused. I mean, who knew “Cloud Rap” was a thing? It’s like you’d rather get lost in the clouds than commit to actually liking something mainstream. But, hey, nothing says “declare war on having fun” like listening to a guy who raps about emotions while riding a sad cloud. And let’s talk about your top artists. Wow, I see you’ve made quite the discovery! A hip-hop lineup that makes me feel like I’m attending an underground poetry slam where nobody wants to be there but everyone pretends to be deep. Are you sure “Matty Wood$” isn’t just the name of your garage band that never made it past high school? Meanwhile, names like “JPEGMAFIA” and “Westside Gunn” make me wonder if you’re just reading off a list of rejected Marvel character names. Seriously, if these artists were any less popular, they’d be performing on street corners with a tip jar. Then we dive into your most played songs, which is just a delightful mix of “Therapy Don’t Work, Try Drugs” and “Back In My Day.” Congrats! You’ve successfully turned your music tastes into a sad and convoluted mixtape for someone who hasn't left their basement in five years. The only thing more depressing than your playlist is the thought of you dropping these gems at a party and watching as people slowly back away, confused and frightened. You’ve reached peak “I play the ukulele while crying in my room” energy, John. It’s impressive, really—you’ve managed to curate a collection of songs that can make even the saddest emo kid think, “Dude, chill out.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!